A mother's broken heart.

Today is the 17th day of the month, and it reminds me of the pain I had to go through when I had a miscarriage.

It was December of 2012, and I was looking forward celebrating our 6th Anniversary. But during the last minute before our Anniversary, we've just decided to kept our money to have a 3D or 4D ultrasound of our baby the following month. On December 16, the day of our anniversary, I planned to have a small dinner with my husband just to talk about things over, the things that happened to us for the whole year and our plans for the up coming year. The dinner that I was planning was postponed, since I'm suffering from fever that night.  The following night (which was the worst night of my life), December17, I had an excessive bleeding, which is not normal, so they have to rushed me in the hospital. While I was in the car, I kept praying for the baby to be safe. From our house to the hospital, I wasn't really crying not because I fear nothing, but because I don't want to believe that I'm losing my baby. I'm in the medical field, so when I saw the bleeding, I already knew that my baby might won't make it, but still, I'm holding on to my faith, praying for a miracle to happen. But the prayers turned  into tears, when the doctor said that the baby is coming out and the baby won't make it outside because the baby is still premature, I felt like I lost everything I have. I don't like being in a situation that you don't have any choice, and the only choice given is the one you hate.

The doctor said I have to undergo labor and  D&C (dilatation and curettage or Raspa in layman's term). I have to undergo an induced labor because its not contracting anymore and because the baby is still premature. When it contracts it was really painful but in my part, that kind of pain was nothing, compared to the pain of knowing that you loss a child.  After giving birth, I had to undergo D&C (dilatation and curettage or Raspa in layman's term) which was said to be very painful also, and it was proven by my husband. He said that I already had a full those of anesthesia, so supposedly I won't feel anything while the curettage was on going, but then I still felt the pain and shouted out loud.

For me the pain I had to go through during the labor and D&C was nothing. I know for my self that in a few days or weeks the pain will be gone. I had to undergo the stages of grieving, and depression was really the hardest part before you reach acceptance. DENIAL, ANGER, BARGAINING, and DEPRESSION, I experienced that four stages of grieving, from the day I was rushed in the hospital and up to now. I'm telling you the hardest and the longest part of the grieving process is depression. There were even times that I cry all through out the night just because I remembered eveything. All I can say is IT'S REALLY HARD! Whenever someone would ask me "How are you?", I still have to think twice before answering. It's difficult to say that you're "okay" when its not.

Sooner this depression will end when you are no longer holding on to what happened, sometimes you really have to let go of the things that will cause you pain so at the end there would be an ACCEPTANCE. It's not  about forgetting Angel (our baby), she's already part of my life I'm his mother and that will never be change. I know it takes time, its a process, before you knew, you already accepted it.

Francis and Nica's Wedding

credits to: the couples official wedding photographer

credits to: the couples official wedding photographer

credits to: the couples official wedding photographer

Getting married is big decision to make, but for couples who are deeply in love with each other, getting married is being with the one you love forever.

Honestly, I really don't know how this sweet couple grew and found love with each other. I just knew Francis (the groom) because he's my boyfriend's dormate way back his MAPUA days, and I can only see Nica (the bride) whenever I go and visit there. 

Based on what I've heard during the wedding and based on my boyfriend's story they've been together for almost nine years now, since they were in high school. I'm really a fan of long term relationships. I always wonder how it feels to get married to someone you've known for so many years. Also, the question of how were they able to keep the fire up with their relationship? How were they able to surpass and conquer everything from the smallest to biggest problems that they've encountered. Well, I guess there's only one answer "It's the true love for each other" that can only keep two person bind together and last forever.

The solemn wedding ceremony happened at Sts. Peter and Paul Parish Calungusan, Orion, Bataan. Like with the historical place of Bataan the couple made history as they promised to love and take care of each other in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, and till death do they part. The reception follows at Blue Horizon, Crown Royale Hotel Balanga City, Bataan. The arrangement of the reception was really nice, 'twas like you were in a real garden filled with trees and flowers. 

For me, the highlights of the wedding was of course when the couple had their vows for each other, second was, when the bride's father had the chance to dance her daughter, and also when their parents had their messages for the newly weds. 

'Twas really nice to be there and witness how these couple commit themselves with each other. Thank you to Francis and Nica for inviting us.

The couples picture above was their pre-nup pictures.

ALON July Bash 2012

Group shot of alon pinas photo credits to: Arnel Siazon

With the winners of ALON july bash 2012
photo credits to: Arnel Siazon

photo credits to Van Agamata

photo credits to Van Agamata

 The organizers of the event ALON July Bash 2012 and Mommy Chabeng Owner of Crystal Beach Resort San Narciso, Zambales.

photo credits to Van Agamata

 skimmers waiting for the waves. ALON NA!

photo credits to Van Agamata

photo credits to Van Agamata

photo credits to Van Agamata

photo credits to Van Agamata

photo credits to Van Agamata

photo credits to Van Agamata

photo credits to Van Agamata

'Twas actually my first time to witness a skimboarding competition and to see big waves. The event was held at Crystal Beach Resort owned by Mommy Chabeng. What's nice about Crystal Beach Resort is that, you don't need to go as far as la union or baler to experience surfing or to have surfing lessons for beginners. Crystal beach resort offers surfing lessons for beginners with the best surfing instructors. The beach waves were also good for the pro-surfers.

The event was a success the winners of skimboarding competition were the two kids from Iba Zambales, I forgot the name of the 1st placer but the winner was Meldivson. Congrats again to all the winners of  ALON July Bash 2012.

Fete de la Musique 2012

f21 top, random brand shorts, primadona shoes, satchel bag from hongkong

A fun night of music and experience that I will never forget. 

My boyfriend and I might have different genre when it comes to music, but one thing is for sure, 

HE IS MY MUSIC SOULMATE!

3 islands, 3 couples.

 Big thanks to our boyfriends who planned this get a way. Good job boys!

capones island.

Fluid surf rash guard, Pink volcom board shorts

 I already tried skimboarding before in Nasugbu Batangas, but unfortunately I wasn't able to make a ride and I was injured. This time I was able to make 3-4 rides. My boyfriend didn't give up until I had one.

the teacher and the student. Well done honey, I was able to make ride, thanks to you!

Philippines indeed have the most beautiful sunset.

This post was really overdue, since I've been busy with all the paper stuffs in school, graduation and review. Surprisingly, this Zambales get a way was planned by our boyfriends, thanks to them for bring us here, pulling us out from the stressful life in the metro.

The view was really captivating and jaw dropping. The blue-green shade of the sea makes the place more relaxing and beautiful. The scenery and the ambiance were really perfect for us couples to unwind.

We went to three different islands, Anawanging, Capones and Camara. The three islands have their own different characteristics and beauty. In Capones, there was this light house that was said to be used during American Era. Serenity, that’s what I felt during the few hours of stay in this island, the view between the horizon and the sea.  Camara island, unlike Capones is a lot smaller, but the corals around it was really amazing, you can see different kinds of fish few steps from the shore.

It was really fascinating to see the beauty of nature; we’ll surely go back to this place.